Handling the week after a death. A whole new life is ahead.

One of the best things to do, when you are grieving, besides, take a little time, and have a few cries, is keep yourself busy.  Either than, or reach out to someone else, who is having their own personal issues, and be there for them.  It’s what helps keep your mind clear and less focused on yourself.

This week, I have been helping my mom pack the house, here in VA, because she is moving permanently to FLA in two weeks.  So each morning, I have been going there, and going thru things that have collected over the last 35+ years.

My mother is not a “things” person, so she is basically dividing up the items, among my brother and I, based on things we might need or want.   I’m the sentimental one (or the hoarder, like my dad), so I tend to want to keep all these type items.

Lucky for me, going thru the items and packing them away, has not bothered me in any type of emotional way.  But probably cause, I am focused on “getting the task done at hand”.

But there are issues, that have come up.  Thoughts that have come up.  Reality that seems to have now surfaced, now that my dad has gone.  Of course, most of these things, I will opt to keep to myself, at the moment.

However, one, I will share.  A whole new life begins for me now !  For most my life, I have always been real close to my dad.  I’ve made a lot of decisions, based on my dad (and my mom too).  And the last 3 years, he’s been sick, on and off, so I keep traveling, down to a minimum, in case I needed to run off to FLA instead.

My mother is a tough ol’ Joe, and she’s looking forward to her new life, alone.  So now, with her independence, that actually gives me more independence.

So now, what will I do with my life ?  What do I want to be when I grow up (know, I'm 54) ?  Lots to think about, but not all today.  For now, I need to get my mom all packed up, cause she leaves in 2 weeks.  Then I’ve got to re-arrange my own home furniture, cause my mom gave me many items. 

Then focus heavily on losing weight !  There’s my “internal reasoning” of why I have let this weight climb.  And yes, those reasons are no longer here !

 

 

 

My father - This week a tuff one

My father died this past Monday.  Sadly, couple weeks ago, he had that choice: (1) Fight to survive, or (2) Not.

He didn't give up.  He just didn't believe the choice was real, no matter what we all told him.  He thought he was fine.  Sadly, last couple of days, he finally told me, "I'm not doing too good".

He took a turn, the day, I left Fla to come home, now, couple weeks ago.  He kept getting pneumonia and it finally got the best of him.  Mom says, no idea what they will put on death certificate at this point.

Now, after planning so much around, him, for awhile, everything STOPS !  So, lots of changes up ahead for my life.  But for now, got to get my mom, packed to move back to Fla, permanently, in the next 3 weeks.

FYI, it still is yet to hit me fully !  With them living in Fla at least 6 months every year (this year, longer), it's so easy to think he's in Fla.

Couple times, I've already caught myself saying, "We'll have to tell dad" !

If you never think about or put your hand out for others, why would you expect folks to entrust in you

How do you perceive folks, who are either, only kind to you or speak to you, if you’re talking about something that interests them (only) ?

It’s truly sad !  I don’t know how these folks could actually consider them a friend, or a good employee, etc !

There is an establishment I visit regularly in my town.  I find the employees there, will only be nice to you, if you talk to them, about themselves (show interest in them).  So my GF and myself, are always trying to find something great, in talking with them, so they will be in a good mood, and actually treat you decently.  Sad ! 

And more amazingly, the establish keeps them on as employees !  They're always down and seemingly depressed, unless we try to cheer them up !  Shouldn't be our job in supporting their personality, but that's what we find ourselves having to do, to enjoy our own night !

I know other folks, who will only give you time of day, if you are talking about them.  They never ask you anything about you; how you're doing; hows your life ?  Matter of fact, they actually don’t know anything about others, cause they only focus on themselves; they don't know if you're dating; how your job works, etc.  I have friends, “and family” that fit in this category.

Not that life is all about me, but I find these folks are terribly unconcerning about others.  And they wonder why they are so unhappy.  Why they can't find true friends !

Life is about, having and showing concern and interest for others !  And when you focus on others and their needs and their concerns, you spend less time thinking about your needs and your problems !  That's how it works; keeping your focus off yourself and onto others !

But of course, since they won’t listen to anything that you have to say, you don’t have an opportunity to share this thought.  I really feel sorry for them !

Who can actually trust these types of folks !

 

 

 

Weeeeeeeeeeee, I’ve been gone away from home for 3 weeks, helping my mom and dad in Fla.  Now that I am home, it is hard to motivate myself to work.  Guess I am somewhat a little tired.  Lack of sleep, while sleeping on sofa, near my dad, in case he needed help. 

So my waterbed is feeling so good, I didn’t even want to get up on Sunday !  And with the snow falling outside yesterday, it made such a lazy day.  Though I never drive in snow, I had to run out and pick up some meds, and go to the grocery store.

After eating at McDonalds for almost a month for my class in town, and then in Fla for 3 weeks, eating my cousins good food, it’s time for a big time diet, starting today, Monday !  And I had planned to get up at 5am, to start work, but didn’t climb out till 6am.  And I have more than 3 hours of work, before my work day begins.

 

No plans for week, other than work !  How about you ?

 

 

Single do not have allotted time for sickness in their schedule !

Last week, my dad’s sitter came into work sick.  First she started with a sore throat, about Tues, and by Friday, she had a full fledged cold.  Of course, Thurs, I had sore throat, and  by Saturday night, I could feel her sickness getting the rest of me !

As a single, who has time to be sick !  There’s no one else to work in your place; get tasks done, etc.

All day Sunday, I was sick.  And feeling useless, since I’m actually here to help my mom with my dad.  I constantly pumped in the meds.  Of course, my brother and my cousin is here, so thank goodness, they are totally able to help with him.

If I could have gotten a plane ticket out of here, on Sunday, I would have left, in hopes of not giving what I now have, to my dad.  No such luck.  All booked up, and Monday, the cost was $500.

Today, Monday, I am better, however, it seems to come and go.  I’m sitting mostly outside, to keep my sickness away from dad, and cause the nice weather seems to make me feel better.

However, as mentioned, who has time to be sick !  And if I did, I can't stand it ! 

What’s your take on you and sickness ?

 

 

Finally, a little warmth here in Florida, during my visit

Been in FL, a little over a week now.  Finally, last couple of days, have been warmer.  I was beginning to believe, after Thanksgiving and Christmas, cold when I was here, that my mom was right, and I was bringing the cold with me, down from VA.

Though warmer, haven’t had enough time to sit outside and enjoy it.  I do, each morning, sit out and feed the squirrels, even when it is cold.  I was laughing, with one of my customers yesterday, and saying, “it’s fairly funny, if your pass time/entertainment, while here, is feeding the squirrels !”.

Also seen, very few movies on TV while here.  My folks are 30 min and one hour show type people, and I’ve spent most nights sitting in the living room, watching TV with them, versus in the sun room, watching a movie. 

However, tonight, Army Wives and the Client List is back on.  Love both of these.  So at 9pm, I will certainly be in the sun room, to see the first night of the new series.  Strangely, today is the 1^st day I saw an Army Wifes Commercial.  Had it not been for a GF/Customer of mine in Pheonix, I would have missed it tonight !

Let me know, if you too, watch Army Wives !

Single with Family

Many of us have a close connection to our families, and of course, on the other hand, many of us do not !  Luckily, I do !

My father is not doing extremely well.  My mother seem to think he has given up; I don’t.  I think he just likes to be waited on 24/7 and doesn’t realize, if he doesn’t use it, he will lose it.  And his body parts and organs will stop working for him.

The last month, I have been taking  a Certified Nursing Class.  Part of my reasoning, is in case, my mother needs help in working with my dad.  So finishing the class and needing to help, are somewhat falling, hand in hand.

With my class being over this past Friday, I jumped on a plane, to fly down to FL to be with my folks.  Already, some of the skills have come in handy !  The emphasis on washings hands is one big thing I learned in my class.  And I believe, just the experience, gave me more confidence, and being able to offer to help !

Today is my second full day here.  I have already been able to add some input, and my father is listening some.  A little at a time, so that he will grasp some insight in learning, that he must work towards helping himself to be better !  He knows, he will have to build more strength this week with is therapist, or alternative choices will need to be made in his care !  Praying he will listen !